The Reverse Grinch Effect

I could escape this feelin', with my China girl
I feel a wreck without my, little China girl
I hear her heart beatin', loud as thunder
Saw the stars crashing

I'm a mess without my little China girl
Wake up in the mornin' where's my, little China girl?
I hear our hearts beating, loud as thunder
I saw the stars crashing down

China Girl - David Bowie

So, I wasn't going to do this. I wasn't, under any circumstances, going to blog about my first grandchild. Or my late daughter. I assumed everyone was about sick & tired of that song & dance from the last blog (shameless plug: www.dayinthelifeofdina.blogspot.com if you just have to know the back story OR if you're auditioning for a soap opera and you need to be able to cry on command or make those I might cry but I might not faces where your lips slightly open and close before the commercial break). Besides, this blog was supposed to be different! This blog was supposed to be chock full of recipes (only one thus far), DIY's (none yet, but I'm soooooooo close!), and other cool stuff to help brand me and interest Lifetime in creating a movie of the week about my shenanigans. But, stuff happens. Stuff, in this house, has a name. It's Chynna Rose. If I could figure out how to insert an emoticon of a rose here, trust me I would. It's come to this. 

Why do you need to know this story? Because people tried to explain this to me and I just didn't get it. And, it's important. Are you a mom? A dad? An aunt or an uncle? Do you just know some moms & dads? Regardless, we need to talk about THE ANNOYANCE. If you're a parent, one day, you might just become a grandparent. You will annoy the crap out of everyone you know. You should know this up front. Granted, you will not care AT ALL that you are annoying the crap out of the universe. You may even get a perverse pleasure out of it. Now, if you just know parents, you should understand that one day they conceivably could be grandparents, and as such, will annoy the ever-loving crap out of you! If you're shaking your head in agreement with this ideology - maybe you've experienced THE ANNOYANCE first hand already - you might want to start a not-for-profit organization to end THE ANNOYANCE once and for all. Don't bother. It cannot be done. In our opinion, there's never been a cuter baby, a  smarter baby, a better baby.... We want to tell you. We HAVE to tell you! You must know!!!! We even have pictures to prove it!!! See, what no one told you is that being a grandparent makes your heart explode. It's what I call the "Reverse Grinch Effect". 

Here's what happens. You're a parent. IT'S SO HARD! You love them and all, but those teenage years, geez louise! Still, you push through. You get them "adulting" on their own at some level. They leave the nest. You're sad for approximately 2 days, but then you get cocky. I have no kids at home! I can go to the gym! I can take that promotion! I can drink wine on Tuesday nights! I can take all their closet space!!!!!! Life gets mucho wonderful as you remember what if feels like to just be you in all your college day glory. You even get a little selfish! Heck no, I don't want to volunteer on your committee. I'm FREEEEEE! Umm, you want me to go to what kind of meeting tonight? Sorry, it's hot yoga night, duh. See, life after kids is amazing. It really is. Then comes THE VISIT.

My visit went like this: I opened a gift from my son and his beautiful wife of 6 months. It was a collegiate coffee mug. It said Grandma. Simultaneously, my husband was opening an identical grandpa mug. I was very wrapped up in the moment, since I LOVE getting gifts! I remember seeing his mug and literally saying, "Guys, y'all are so mean! He's not that old." Then, I read my mug. Then I think I said something about making fun of people's ages was really mean spirited. Then my daughter-in-laws face fell. Only then did I "get" it. Okay, so I jumped up and down and hugged everyone and cried and said "really?" a thousand times and I was so so so so happy. Pinterest has ruined so many things for us as a society. I'm sure the video you watch when you look this up on Pinterest shows the future grandma screaming in joy, hugging everyone while yelling "I love you for letting me be a grandmother in approximately 7 months" and running figure 8's around the kitchen island. I still apologize to my daughter-in-law on a weekly basis. THE VISIT is Step 1 of the Reverse Grinch Effect.

Step 2.....here comes your kid with a baby carriage. I was far more fortunate than most grandmothers will ever be. I was in the delivery room. See, 2nd born son has blown our socks off with his initiative in life and career choices. He's a Navy veteran who recently landed a GREAT position. I could tell you, but then I would have to kill you. Since you could be reading this anywhere in the world, airfare to come and kill you would cost too much, so I can't really tell you. Suffice it to say it's a wonderful position that he just could not say no to, though he realized it would mean he'd be sequestered in training as his first child was being born. So, the grandmas stepped in. Yep, enter Grama & Didi (I'm the latter), birthing coaches extraordinaire! In an odd reversal of fortunes, you get to see birth from the flip side of the coin. I'm not going into detail. Thankfully, this was a great birth: only 6 hours of labor, blessedly normal, yet with the hallmark birth scares so many people experience, what with little ones not realizing we really need them to breathe immediately & whatnot. It was amazing. But, then I saw her face. Now, I'm a believer.

Step 3 of the Reverse Grinch...those eyes. They are baby eyes, her eyes. They are also her mommy's eyes. Her daddy's eyes. But, they are my eyes, too. And, yes, even though I'm deliberately trying not to make comparisons, they are her Aunt Chynna's eyes. What will she see through those eyes one day? Something as complicated and earth shattering as a cure for a disease? Something as simple and perfect as the love for her own child? I hope I am still here in this world when this all comes to fruition. I am annoying. I am overbearing. I am grandma, hear me roar. But, speaking of Aunt Chynna, were you wondering? Several people asked me prior to her birth, how do you feel about your son and his wife naming a baby girl Chynna? Does that bother you? Is it weird? Well.....it is, simply, a blessing. See, when you lose a child, you spend an eternity in the most excruciating pain. It never goes away. Don't listen to anyone who tells you it gets better. It doesn't. You will get better at pretending that it doesn't hurt as much, and that's something. You can even trick yourself sometimes. But, now I get to do something pretty special. I get to say her name. Chynna. It doesn't stick thickly to my tongue anymore. I can roll it right off. Chynna. It's melodic. I remember picking it for my baby and thinking how cool a 90 year old Chynna would be. It's so good to say that name again and not be drug down to the depths of despair. It's amazing to say it with connotations of gossamer angel wings and beautiful clouds on a sunny day and butterflies landing on your nose. I get to do that. And, just like the Grinch when the people of Whoville still loved the spirit of Christmas and him, even after he stole the roast beast, my heart fills with love. And explodes. Full on Reverse Grinch Effect. Forgive THE ANNOYANCE, please. We're just grandparents. We can't help it.