Fakery in the Bakery

Winter nights we sang in tune
Played inside the months of moon
"Never think of never...let this spell last forever"
Well, summer lover passed to fall
Tried to realize it all
Mama says she's worried, growing up in a hurry

"Come on home, girl," mama cried on the phone
Too soon to lose my baby yet, my girl should be at home"
But try to understand, try to understand
Try, try, try to understand, he's a magic man, mama
He's a magic man

"Magic Man" - written & performed by Ann & Nancy Wilson

Finally, a chance to use a Heart song to introduce a blog post! Quick, where's my Bucket List? CHECK! But seriously, I was just sweeping my back porch off when I gasped in disbelief that I hadn't thought of this blog entry muse earlier. I mean, really! It's October. It's practically Halloween, which I ADORE! What better time than now to speak to you about......magic. I mean, this is "Back to the Future Day" after all! Not the David Copperfield prestidigitation stuff. Not the Houdini straight-jacket stuff. No sword swallowing. No Chris Angel levitation. Just some modern day trickery. A little now you see it, now you don't. Slight of hand, if you will. Come, step with me behind my own green curtain (thinly veiled Wizard of Oz reference).

I love social media. All types! Well, maybe not all types. I secretly LOATHE Twitter for no good reason. Still, I force a few tweets now and again just to stay current. I think I feel stifled by the character limit - cause I talk a lot and whatnot. Because of Facebook, though, I have THE BEST relationship with all my girl cousins! I feel like we have this cool, girl's rule club that we never could've envisioned if not for social media. I'm constantly on  Craigslist looking for an antique this or a vintage that. Due to the amazing filters on Instagram, I'm a darn decent photographer, in my head anyway! I Snapchat back and forth with my kids everyday. I'm convinced that, with aid from a YouTube video, I could probably rebuild my transmission. Who knows where I'd be without Pinterest. And, obviously, Blogger rocks my world! So, I promise you I have nothing but love for all social technologies. But they lie. They lie big time. Their lies are SO EVIL & SO WELL CRAFTED...that I even believe them sometimes. In weaker moments, these lies make me feel awful...inferior...unworthy...hopeless.

Let me explain. But first, lemme take a selfie! No, really. Let's take a selfie. Ok...touch up your lipstick. OMG, look at my hair - gimme a sec. Ok...that looks better! No, wait! The sun is behind us and it will give us shadows under our eyes. Let's turn this way. Ewwwwwww! There's a bunch of junk on the ground behind us. Come over here. Ok, smile. What are you doing? Stop smiling like that! Put your tongue behind your front teeth and push while tilting your chin down to the right raising both of your eyebrows holding your phone at least 6 inches above your head, duh. And, push the button! Ok, now let's take about 200 more. NO!!!! Do not post that on Facebook! Let's put it on Instagram. Crop it. Increase the highlights. Use the Lo-Fi filter to make us look tan. Increase the brightess just a touch. Whew! Selfies are a lot of work. #thisisnthowwereallylook

Here's what it's taken me 3 whole paragraphs to say. What you see on social media is not real. None of it. Even the posts that say #nofilter. They aren't real either. Trust me 3000% when I tell you that if the only way you know me is from my profile picture, you would definitely run into me at Walmart and have no idea it was me. Because I don't look like that. I look like a 48 year old woman who wore a baseball cap to the gym because she was too lazy to put on any makeup, or the one who wears a shirt that's extra long to cover up the cellulite, or the one who has on the JFK era horn-rimmed glasses so she can read the labels. The real me. Just remember that the next time I change my profile picture. The peaches & cream complexion, the eyebrow arch, the svelt neckline....it took 200 takes in 10 different rooms and 30 minutes worth of filter work. I promise. It's all magic. That neckline bit the dust about 10 years ago & cellulite is my bff.

Now, am I advocating that we all post ugly pictures of ourselves? That's a joke, and not a very good one. If I am anything to you, I am honest! No, by all means, make yourself look however you want! Personally, if the image I project out into the world looks the way I want it to, I get a boost of confidence. Just don't buy into your own hype! The fitness guru you follow on IG could be a walking financial disaster. The person who posted the makeup tutorial could have the most disorganized house you've ever seen. The DIY phenom you love could live in total and complete hoarder's chaos. It's just Sales 101. I need you to see the me that I want you to see. I need you to buy into the belief that I am this one certain way. But, there's just no such thing as perfection. I throw my own magical top hat into this ring. Recently, I posted this picture on Instagram. I got a whole lotta likes.

Lace, hydrangeas, chalk art, even a picture I painted. Why, isn't my office just the stuff dreams are made of? Can't you see me lounging there in the afternoon, drinking tea and eating scones? Wouldn't life be just perfect if you, too, could have this awesome office? IF YOU ONLY KNEW. Allow me to present to you my REAL office on the sun porch:

Umm, yeah. That's more like it. See, there's really a ton of crap under the desk. There's also a ton of crap stacked up on each side. Oh, and that's where the dog kennel hangs out. And my styrofoam cooler, cause I didn't answer the phone when 1990 called and wanted it back. And an old car seat box full of signs. And there are other things you could see if I panned out a little more, like this lovely red armoir with a chewed off corner. Or this, which was sitting right at my feet as I was sweeping. Gotta love pugs.

Oh, and that's not even the best part!!!!! Look what's right behind me!

I like to call this corner the "where old props go to die" corner. See???? It's far from perfect. I just make it look like the piece of Heaven I wish it to be. And, there's nothing wrong with a little magic. Nothing at all. I say to you TAKE THOSE SELFIES! Tilt that chin! Filter your little hearts out! Just remember, at the end of the day, we're all human. None of us are better that the other. Don't buy into the commercialistic idea that you aren't good enough or pretty enough or special enough just the way you are. Now, go make some magic! And, tag me!!!!!