Dirty Sally (or I Hoard Bottles and Tons of Other Things)

If I could save time in a bottle
The first thing that I'd like to do
Is to save every day
'Til eternity passes away
Just to spend them with you

But there never seems to be enough time
To do the things you want to do
Once you find them
I've looked around enough to know
That you're the one I want to go
Through time with

Excerpts from "Time in a Bottle" - Jim Croce


FINALLY! It's time for a DIY project! But first.....Dirty Sally? What the what? All I have to say is, blame it on my mother! See, I'm basically a short but exact replica of my mother, fellow bottle hoarder extraordinaire.  Soon, I will tell you the story of her obsession with cobalt blue bottles and how she found this certain brand of wine coolers that were available in said bottles. So she drank them. Then she convinced others to drink them. Lots of them. Then she turned them upside down and stuck them in her flowerbeds. As edging. It was STUNNING! She also had a goldfish that lived in a crystal punch bowl, but now we're off on a wild tangent. Anytime my mother found a new bottle she would say, "I tell you, I'm just like Sally the Bottle Lady." Now it's obvious, huh? No??? You mean, you're not addicted to Gunsmoke reruns? What's wrong with you, then? Here's the Reader's Digest version for all you 60's western TV show slackers.....Sally was a recurring character on Gunsmoke who actually got her own spinoff show (thank you, IMDB. I did not know this.) She was ALWAYS drunk and chewing tobacco as she wandered the streets of Dodge City with all these bottles in her cart. I'm not drunk and neither is my mother, but we LOVE bottles and all other types of shiny things. And, yes, I admit that I hoard bottles. Spaghetti sauce bottles. Pickle bottles (after I drink the juice). Salsa bottles. My absolute favorites are the organic apple cider vinegar bottles! Nothing makes me happier than seeing someone eat the last pickle. I get downright giddy. There's one problem. I looked in my china hutch recently and realized that while I don't have any actual china, I have a cabinet FULL of empty bottles. Never fear, Annie is here! Let's turn those bottles into swoon worthy vases appropriate for both the toniest of parties and the perfect accent for a rustic wedding vignette. Tonight we will focus on the color-blocked gold vase dupes that some top design stores are selling, as well as my own take on personalizing a chalkboard vase. You're wanting to know if there will be pictures. There.Will.Be.Pictures. Here's one of the looks we're emulating. Again, EMULATING.....they are large and in charge, including their price tag!

STEP 1 - DO NOT LOOK ON PINTEREST TO FIND OUT HOW TO REMOVE LABELS FROM BOTTLES. Do not. I've done all the legwork for you. I've tried a gazillion methods and will now share my secret label removing technique with you. It's so simple!!!! Fill up your kitchen sink with the warmest possible water you can coax out of the tap & add a liberal squirt of Dawn. If you're de-labeling more bottles than will fit in your sink at once, do multiple batches or just use your tub. Before you pop the bottles into the water, do these two things: Thing 1 - remove as much as of the label as you can just by picking it off. Don't stress over how much you can actually remove. It's completely fine if there's still a layer left. Thing 2 - fill each bottle up with your super hot water then gently place your bottles longways in the sink/tub. Turn the tap off once all but the very tops are covered. The hot water inside the bottle will couple with the hot water outside the bottle, all at the same time, and a-la-peanut-butter-sandwiches, the magic will happen. BUT FIRST, you'll want to sprinkle a liberal amount of baking soda just on the top exposed side. Now, pour a teency amount of white vinegar on the top of each bottle. Yes, Dexter, you've just created a tiny chemical reaction. Put up the vinegar. Put up the baking soda. Put up the Dawn. We can hoard, but let's be neat about it. Now, WALK AWAY. Relax. Drink a wine cooler, maybe. Come back in 15-20 minutes. Here's the fun part! Take a metal spoon - just a regular eating spoon. Hold the spoon so that the concave side is facing away from you and your thumb is braced on the back. Find the angle that works best for you and scrape the label off. Depending on the manufacturer's specific adhesive, the label will either slide right off or require a little scraping. If you still see residue shadow on the bottle, rub vigorously with a magic eraser sponge. This technique will work with any glass bottle, including wine bottles. Rinse your bottles. Notice how the light bounces off of them. Aren't they gorgeous? Swoon....

STEP 2 - Suns out, spray paint cans out! But, first we prep. Abraham Lincoln said, "Give me six hours to chop down a tree and I will spend the first four sharpening the axe." Words to live by, I tell you, So......first we tape off our bottles. Now, since I do the amount of painting that I tend to do, I have painter's tape on hand at all times. I have used masking tape before with excellent results, however. Those should be your choices, painter's tape or masking tape. No packing tape. No gift wrap tape. The sticky value will not be adequate for the seal you'll need. Now, do not get all OCD over getting the tape around each bottles in the same exact place. I prefer the randomness of having the painted section at random heights around the bottles. One bottle will be taped close to the top, but the next bottle should be taped off closer to the bottom. There will be a pic. Soon. Like now...

After this, you'll need to cover the portion of the bottle that you do not want to receive any paint. In our case, that part will be on the top. I've seen really pretty bottles where the top is painted but the bottom is clear. While I love the look of those, I don't want to see flower stems all helter-skelter at the bottom (in the event that I choose to put flowers in the vases). But, that's just me. Back to covering the tops...use whatever is on hand. I save the coupon circulars that come in the mail. Also, the big city newspaper really, really wants me to subscribe. So much so that they keep leaving some odd Friday paper in my driveway. I have no intent of subscribing to something I can read on The Skimm (shameless plug because I want them to send me Skimm swag), but I do save the papers for such projects. So I wrap the tops in newspaper or a coupon circular and secure that with a scrap piece of tape. Confused yet? Don't be. The end result will look like this:

Next step - GO OUTSIDE. It should not be: below 40 degrees, raining, or extremely windy, unless you want to be wearing (in this case) disco gold paint. "But Annie, what do I do with the newspaper on the top?" Dear ones, just pull it out of the bottles and use it as a shield for your arm. That way, you can have one arm inside the paper, gripping the bottle lip, and the other arm wielding your spray paint can. Use a very light hand when spraying the bottles. Hold the can 12 inches away, like the hairspray can says. I'm a child of the 80's. This is difficult for me. But, trust me, light is better. Repeat after me, "Light is better." Once you've painted all your bottles in your neighbor's driveway, it should look a little something like this:

Guess what? Your hard work is DONE! These babies will dry very quickly. Leave them in your neighbor's driveway for 15-20 minutes, just to be on the safe side, then gingerly peel away both the tape and the newspaper and bring them inside. Once you've lined them all up on your dining room table, get ready for the "aha" moment. They are stunning!!!!! See?

Goodness, I adore these bottles! What will you do with yours? I am fortunate that my adult sons send me roses at least a few times a year. Hippy chick that I am, I string them up and dry them once their best day has past, so I almost always have dried roses on hand. Here's what I do with my gold dipped vases.

But, then again, my sons tell me my house looks haunted. (It's because it's old and I love anything with a patina or with an ample accumulation of rust). My gorgeous daughter-in-law, though, asked me to style her bookcase recently. In the spirit of "only use free stuff that you have on hand", as that is my motto (not YOLO but OUFSTYHOH, I guess), we did this:

Tre' chic, stylish and modern! But wait, there's more!!!! Maybe you're not gold crazed like I am right now. S'ok, you can use silver spray paint, or ANY accent color. But wait, there's even more! I tried out the chalkboard spray paint today. Sure, it clogged and ruined my manicure, but the end result was adorbs! I was prompted to cut my only pretty white rose from my flowerbed and pair it with another pretty blue blooming plant whose name I can't remember and a couple of sprigs of fresh mint. Can't you imagine this as part of a wedding vignette!

So, there you have it! Our first actual DIY. Sally, it's time to get more bottles. Can you please eat that last pickle? I'll drink the juice & we'll hoard it for another vase. You cannot, unfortunately, save time in a bottle, but these bottles are so pretty. I'm betting my memories are all stuffed into each one, & that's something. In the words of the amazing Carol Burnett...

"I'm so glad we had this time together, just to have a laugh, or sing a song. Seems we just get started and before you know it comes the time we have to say, "So long". Until next time! Much love from The Dearest Annie.